Kawan atok

Seorang atok membawa cucunya ke pejabat pos untuk menghantar surat.
Cucunya bertanya bila melihat atoknya memasukkan surat ke dalam tong
berwarna merah.
"Atok buat apa tu?".
"Atok bagi surat kat kawan atok,cu!" jawap atoknya.
Cucunya bertanya lagi, "Apa bangang sangat kawan atok
duduk dalam tong merah tu?"

The Lawyer

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. "MY ROLEX!!!"

First Impresstion is important... but..

Abdul Razak grew up in Kota Baru, a town located on the East Coast of Malaysia, and then moved away to KL to do his law degree. He decided to return to Kota Baru because he could be a big man and really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office.

The first day he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Abdul picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.

"No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in Kuala Lumpur that I won't settle this case for less than one million ringgit. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to argue that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support! Okay. Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details." This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Abdul rattled
instructions.

Finally, Abdul put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied , "I'm from Telekom, I've come to connect your line."

Senyummmm...

Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat sebuah hospital untuk
menyiasat punca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus.
Selepas memeriksa mayat-mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik
berkenaan.
Polis : Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?
Penjaga : Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang strok.
Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit jantung
manakala yg ketiga
disambar petir.
Polis : Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?
Penjaga : Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya...

Cermin mata

Seorang lelaki pergi ke klinik mata. Setelah matanya diperiksa, dia bertanya: "Doktor, lepas pakai cermin mata nanti, boleh ke saya membaca macam orang lain?"
"Dah tentu, " jawab doktor.
"Oh, gembiranya. Dah lama saya buta huruf, akhirnya boleh juga saya membaca." kata lelaki itu dengan riang.

Habis...?

Orang Asli Dan Polis
orang asli : selamat pagi tuan
polis : selamat pagi
polis : apa hal
orang asli : saya nak buat repot tuan
polis : fasal apa tu
orang asli : kawan saya di baham harimau
polis : pukul berapa
orang asli : dia tak pukul, terkam
polis : habis?
orang asli : tak habis, tinggal kepala

Posmen

Seorang posmen yang datang menghantar surat.
"Assalamualaikum."
"Walaikumsalam"
"Ni rumah encik Sameon ye?"
"Ya saya"
"Poning kepala saya mencari alamat rumah encik ni "
"Buat susah aje encik nie! Apsal tak pos aje?"

Spare gear

Seorang Tok Batin baru membeli motorsikal Honda dan kebetulan pada jalan pulang terserempak dengan kawanya yang ingin menumpang, lalu ditumpangkan kawanya itu. Dalam perjalanan kawannya merasakan Tok Batin
hanya mengunakan gear 1 sahaja lalu bertanyalah kawannya itu,
Kawan Tok Batin : Kenapak kamu hanya pakai gear 1 sahaja.
Tok Batin : Kalau rosak 1 gear ada 2 lagi gear.
Kawan Tok Batin : ????????

Salah kereta

Citer ni member aku yg beritau. Sampai nak pecah perut dibuatnya. It happen at Jalan Loke Yew.

Satu malam tu kawan pompuan ni la, dia baru jer balik dari party, tak tahu how many glasses dia minum ler tapi memang dia betul-betul mabuk. So masa on the way home she got blocked from the police officer and asked for her driving license and so on but unfortunately at the same time tu, there was an accident happen a cross the road.

Quite major jugaklah accident and the policeman leave her and rushed to the
accident scene.So this stupid girl dah gabra tak tahu nak buat camne, she just ran off back to her car and head straight back home in Klang.

So the next morning polis datang ketuk pintu rumah dia dan polis tu tanya dia, "AWAK PEGI MANA MALAM SEMALAM?"
Pompuan ni pulak jawab, "TAK KEMANA ENCIK. SAYA KAT RUMAH JER."
So polis tu tanya lagi, "BETUL KER???"
Pompuan tu jawab, "BETUL ENCIK. SUMPAH SAYA TAK GI MANA2, TANYA LER NGAN HOUSEMATE SAYA."
So polis tu kata, "YE KER? (sambil tergelak) MARI SINI, KELUAR JAP"
Lepas tu polis tu tunjuk, "HA!!! ITU KETA SAPA TU??"

Pompuan tu macam nak pengsan sebab dia dah terbawak keta polis yg malam tadi balik rumah, dia ingat keta dia sebab kaler sama warna putih (wira) cuma keta dia takde sticker polis kat tepi pintu jer. Tak pasal2 kena saman RM1000 dan gantung lesen 1 tahun.

Tak muat Tok!

3 org menaiki motor dan ditahan polis trafik.
Namun pemandu motor tersebut tidak berhenti.
Katanya, 'Tak muat dah Tok, kami dah bertiga!!!

Putus tunang

Tunang Farid, Siti, menelefonnya untuk memutuskan pertunangan mereka.

Farid : Mengapa?
Siti : Saya dah bosan ngan awak. saya dah ada teman baru. Sebelum tu awak mesti kembalikan semua gambar saya.
Farid : Ok. Nanti saya hantar. Tapi saya tak ingatlah yang mana satu gambar awak. Dah terima nanti awak pilih dan yang selebihnya kembalikan kepada saya.
Siti : Erkkkkkk........ Benci .........

Derma

Aderla sorang lelaki datang ke sebuah rumah untuk meminta derma. Derma untuk rumah orang-orang tua. seorang budak pun membuka pintu.

budak : derma ape bang?
lelaki : derma untuk rumah orang-orang tua. adik ada apa-apa untuk didermakan?
budak : nanti jap. saya ambilkan atuk saya.
lelaki : ?????

Kisah sedih

Suami : Kenapa Sayang menangis?
Isteri : Saya telah baca sebuah buku. Sad endinglah bang..
Suami : Buku apa?
Isteri : Buku bank abanglah..

Tahukah Anda...

1. Tahukah Anda apabila 350ml air yang diambil dari paip sinki dan kemudiannya dituangkan ke dalam cerek yang mengandungi 150ml air suling dan dibiarkan terdedah kepada nyalaan api bersuhu 100 darjah celcius akan menghasilkan satu cecair yang dinamakan air masak.

2. Tahukah Anda bahawa air sirap merupakan salah satu bahan asas dalam pembinaan sebuah helikopter. Ini kerana kajian telah dibuat, seorang pembina helikopter memerlukan air sirap untuk menghilangkan keletihan semasa membuat helikopter, tanpa air sirap mungkin helikopter tersebut tidak dapat disiapkan.

3. Tahukah Anda bahawa Sebuah kereta yang dipandu selaju 220 km/j tidak akan dapat memotong kereta yang dipandu selaju 40 km/j sekiranya kereta-kereta tersebut dipandu dari arah yang bertentangan.

4. Tahukah Anda dalam bahasa Inggeris dan Italy, jurugambar dikenali sebagai paparazi. Perkataan itu dipercayai diambil dari watak paparazzo dalam filem La Dolce Vita yang diterbitkan oleh Federico Fellini pada tahun 1960. Dalam bahasa melayu pula, ayah kepada seorang budak yang bernama Razzi juga boleh dikenali dengan nama papa Razzi.

5. Tahukah Anda bendera negara Denmark telah dicipta 700 tahun lampau, menjadikan bendera paling lama digunakan di dunia lebih lama daripada penggunaan susu cap bendera.

6. Tahukah Anda magnet ialah sejenis logam yang juga digelar besi berani. Sebagaimana namanya magnet ialah besi yang berani menarik butir-butir besi lain kearahnya. Bagaimanapun orang yang diupah untuk menarik kereta bukanlah magnet.

7. Tahukah Anda cicak memutuskan ekornya apabila diganggu. Apabila cicak menyedari yang dia diekori oleh sesuatu, ia akan memutuskan ekornya supaya benda itu tidak mengekorinya lagi atas alasan tanpa ekor sudah tentu ia tidak akan diekori lagi.

8. Tahukah Anda gunung berapi yang berusia tiga ratus tahun disahkan masih aktif untuk meletup. Tapi mengikut kajian ahli gunung, api elektrik di rumah kita tidak akan aktif jika tidak membayar bilnya selama tiga bulan.

9. Tahukah Anda ahli sains seluruh dunia bersepakat jika nasi ayam dimakan sewaktu lapar, perut kita akan mengalami satu tindakbalas yang berupa kekenyangan. Nasi ayam juga boleh digunakan sebagai ubat untuk menggembirakan hati kita bila nasi ayam yang dimakan itu dibelanja oleh kawan kita..

hmmm... macam org punya akal la ni...

...tahukah anda jika anda menjolok lubang plug elektrik di rumah anda dgn tangkai garpu, jiran anda akan makan kenduri 3 malam di rumah anda?

Computer

IF YOU THINK YOU'RE DUMB WHEN IT COMES TO COMPUTERS, READ THIS AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer."
The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH : "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH : "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH : "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard.The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive."

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER : "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER : "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER : "I'm not going to do that!"

Gadis Melayu

Sebuah asrama perempuan di Terengganu telah diganggu jin. Yang peliknya, pelajar India dan Cina tidak diganggu. Hanya Melayu sahaja. Seorang bomoh dipanggil untuk menghalau jin itu. Upacara dilakukan.

Bomoh bertanya kepada jin, " Kenapa kau tak ganggu perempuan Cina atau India?"

Jin itu berkata dengan suara yang menakutkan,"Siapa bilang gadis Melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati, tiada memikat..."