July 29, 2008

Why we love children (8)

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

July 27, 2008

Why we love children (7)

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mum."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

July 25, 2008

Why we love children (6)

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in my tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

July 23, 2008

Why we love children (5)

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

July 21, 2008

Why we love children (4)

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. " I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

July 19, 2008

Why we love children (3)

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

July 17, 2008

Why we love children (2)

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

July 15, 2008

Why we love children (1)

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

July 13, 2008

Sam&Dol : Sila datang lagi.

SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita.

DOL : Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard "SILA DATANG LAGI"

July 11, 2008

Sam&Dol : Batuk

SAM : Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!

DOL : Iya ke? kalau macam ni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.

July 09, 2008

Sam&Dol : AIDS

SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada...

DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat Negara ni ada aids. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada aids, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu...

July 07, 2008

Sam&Dol : Candle light dinner

SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari ini "candle light dinner" dengan bini kau, mesti dia suka.

DOL: Dia marahlah. Aku lupa nak bayar bil elektrik, api rumah aku dah kena potong!

July 05, 2008

Sam&Dol : Gula dan garam

SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal?
DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah

July 03, 2008

Sam&Dol : Hantu

SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah.... hantu tu yang terkejur tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer....

July 02, 2008

Sam&Dol : Mati lemas

SAM: Kau kata binatang peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku bela ikan emas. aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!

July 01, 2008

Sam&Dol : 2 ringgit

SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 ringgit