Sam&Dol : Susu segar

SAM : Kenapa kamu cakap minum susu segar boleh bawa maut?
DOL : Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum, lembu tu terajang aku. Nasib baik tak mati.

Clever scrabble

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Business Logic

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a Vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Confusing English

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to Make terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around Several times, does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ???

13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

Get Back to WORK !
ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!

Letter to dad

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.......

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real happiness with Randy and he is so nice to me.

I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the this happiness Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days, is it?), and has no money,really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, and slight pain in the chest her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

3 Answers most scared by men

(1 ) Whatever
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever...
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face...
Men: Alright, why not we have Sichuan cuisine?
Women: Yesterday ate Sichuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm... I suggest we have seafood then.
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea.
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever...

(2 ) Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie.
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only.
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such a hot day? You not feel tired meh?
Men: Then find a cafe and have drink.
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep.
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything...

(3 ) You decide
Men: Then we just go home lo...
Women: You decide!
Men: Let'S take A bus, I will accompany you.
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la...
Men: Ok,we will take Taxi then.
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance.
Men: Alright, then we walk lo... Take a slow walk.
Women: What??? To walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide.
Men: Let's have dinner first.
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting...
(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)

Why the Brits think 80% of M'sians come to UK to study law

UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?

Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.

Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia.

Visitor: Why do you say that?

Officer: Well, i've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd say 80% of Malaysians I see here say they're here to read law.

Visitor: Oh, really? That's really something i never knew. Hard to believe in fact.

Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along, and I'll bet he's here to read law.

*Visitor waits for 5 mins, Ah Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration counter*

Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?

Ah Chong: Study lorr...

Cara berfikir

Seorang guru perempuan bertanya soalan pada muridnya yang bernama Amin.

"Amin, 5 ekor burung di atas pokok dan seekor ditembak oleh pemburu, berapa
ekorkah yang tinggal?".

Amin menjawab "Tidak ada yang tinggal cikgu".

"Jawapan sebenarnya ialah 4, tapi saya suka cara kamu berfikir" balas guru
tersebut.

Amin kemudian berkata "Boleh saya tanya cikgu pulak?". Cikgu tadi mengangguk setuju.

"Tiga orang wanita makan ais kerim, wanita pertama menjilat bahagian atas aiskerim manakala wanita kedua memegang bahagian krimnya dan menjilat kon aiskerim terlebih dahulu dan wanita ketiga hanya memandang pada aiskerim tersebut. Wanita manakah yang telah berkahwin?"

Gurunya dengan teragak-agak menjawab "Wanita kedua!".

"Jawapan sebenarnya ialah wanita yang memakai cincin perkahwinan. Tapi saya suka cara cikgu berfikir" balas Amin dengan selamba.

Smart kid

A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited outside the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a Primary 1 student should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to Primary 3."

The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some tougher questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two ?"
Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer....)
Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I??
Harry: "A Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." What am I?? (Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)
Harry: "A Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good." What am I??
Harry: "A Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver." What am I??
Harry: "An Arrow."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put this ass in Primary 6 ! I got the last 10 questions all wrong myself."

Salah potong

Sebaik sahaja mengambil tempat duduk di ruang menunggu sebuah klinik, Shan terpandang Amin sedang menangis teresak-esak. Dia segera mendekati.
Amin. : Shan, Kenapa menangis?
Amin : Saya datang untuk ujian darah.
Shan : Awak takut ke?
Amin : Bukan itu sebabnya. Semasa ujian darah dijalankan, mereka telah terpotong jari saya.
(Mendengarkan penjelasan Amin, Shan menangis.)
Amin : Eh, kenapa pula awak menangis?
Shan : Saya datang untuk ujian air kencing...