Sebuah asrama perempuan di Terengganu telah diganggu jin. Yang peliknya, pelajar India dan Cina tidak diganggu. Hanya Melayu sahaja. Seorang bomoh dipanggil untuk menghalau jin itu. Upacara dilakukan.
Bomoh bertanya kepada jin, " Kenapa kau tak ganggu perempuan Cina atau India?"
Jin itu berkata dengan suara yang menakutkan,"Siapa bilang gadis Melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati, tiada memikat..."
May 08, 2008
April 17, 2008
The Man & The Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say........"
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say........"
April 08, 2008
Peramugari dan ulamak
Seorang ulamak sedang berada di dalam sebuah kapal terbang untuk ke sebuah negeri. Apabila tiba waktusolat, dia pun ke tandas untuk berwudhuk. Oleh kerana tandas di dalam kapalterbang terlalu kecil, maka beliau terpaksa membuka pintu tandas itu ketika berwudhu.
Tatkala beliau mengangkat salah satu dari kakinya ke tangki (washing basin), seorang peramugari telah ternampak perbuatan ulamak itu dan menegurnya.
Peramugari: (dengan suara dikeraskan..) Tuan tidak boleh memasukkan kaki ke dalam tangki tu, sebab ia akan mengotorkan tangki.
Ulamak: (dengan suara lembut dan penuh rendah diri...) Berapa kali saudari mencuci muka saudari dalam satu hari?
Peramugari: (dengan sifat angkuh...) Kebiasaannya sekali atau dua kali dalam sehari.
Ulamak: (dengan sifat bersahaja....) Saya mencuci kaki saya lima kali dalam sehari, bererti kaki saya lebih bersih dari muka saudari.
Tatkala beliau mengangkat salah satu dari kakinya ke tangki (washing basin), seorang peramugari telah ternampak perbuatan ulamak itu dan menegurnya.
Peramugari: (dengan suara dikeraskan..) Tuan tidak boleh memasukkan kaki ke dalam tangki tu, sebab ia akan mengotorkan tangki.
Ulamak: (dengan suara lembut dan penuh rendah diri...) Berapa kali saudari mencuci muka saudari dalam satu hari?
Peramugari: (dengan sifat angkuh...) Kebiasaannya sekali atau dua kali dalam sehari.
Ulamak: (dengan sifat bersahaja....) Saya mencuci kaki saya lima kali dalam sehari, bererti kaki saya lebih bersih dari muka saudari.
Psychopath Test
Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in
love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?
[Give this some thought before you scroll down for the answer]
Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used
to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.
If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you. If you answered correctly, please take me off your mailing list!!!!
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in
love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?
[Give this some thought before you scroll down for the answer]
Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used
to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.
If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you. If you answered correctly, please take me off your mailing list!!!!
March 24, 2008
Children are so creative!
KIDS say the darnest things. ;-)
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?
Beruang Yang Beriman...
"Alkisah... .. Seorang lelaki islam ponteng sembahyang Jumaat. Sebaliknya dia masuk hutan untuk memburu beruang. Sedang dia terhendap2 di dalam semak, tiba2 dia berlanggar dengan seekor beruang.
Dia begitu terkejut sehingga senapangnya tercampak lalu tergelungsur ke dalam jurang. Dia pula tergolek ke arah lain, jatuh ke atas batu dan KRAKKKK! Kedua2 kakinya patah. Jangan risau .. ini bukanlah berita buruk ok. Ada lagi ..
Berita buruknya adalah beruang tadi terus menghambatnya, sedangkan dia dah tak boleh bergerak lagi.
"Ya Allah," doa lelaki tersebut,"Ampunilah dosaku kerana ponteng sembahyang berjemaah pada hari Jumaat yang mulia ini. Ampunilah aku ya Allah .. makbulkan hajat ku ini .. jadikanlah beruang yang memburuku beruang yang beriman .. tolong ya Allah! Aminnn.."
Tiba2 guruh berdentum! Beruang tadi tiba2 terhenti betul2 di hadapan lelaki tadi. Sambil menadah kedua2 kaki depannya ke langit, beruang tersebut pun berdoa, "Allahumma barik lana, fima razaktana, wa qina azabbannar. Amin!"
Note : Walaupun ini hanya sekadar lawak, tapi pengajarannya perlu diambil. Jangan cuba-cuba nak ponteng sembahyang Jumaat, pembalasan Allah tu pelbagai cara.
Dia begitu terkejut sehingga senapangnya tercampak lalu tergelungsur ke dalam jurang. Dia pula tergolek ke arah lain, jatuh ke atas batu dan KRAKKKK! Kedua2 kakinya patah. Jangan risau .. ini bukanlah berita buruk ok. Ada lagi ..
Berita buruknya adalah beruang tadi terus menghambatnya, sedangkan dia dah tak boleh bergerak lagi.
"Ya Allah," doa lelaki tersebut,"Ampunilah dosaku kerana ponteng sembahyang berjemaah pada hari Jumaat yang mulia ini. Ampunilah aku ya Allah .. makbulkan hajat ku ini .. jadikanlah beruang yang memburuku beruang yang beriman .. tolong ya Allah! Aminnn.."
Tiba2 guruh berdentum! Beruang tadi tiba2 terhenti betul2 di hadapan lelaki tadi. Sambil menadah kedua2 kaki depannya ke langit, beruang tersebut pun berdoa, "Allahumma barik lana, fima razaktana, wa qina azabbannar. Amin!"
Note : Walaupun ini hanya sekadar lawak, tapi pengajarannya perlu diambil. Jangan cuba-cuba nak ponteng sembahyang Jumaat, pembalasan Allah tu pelbagai cara.
March 06, 2008
Singlish Forever
Why do we insist on using the Queen's English, when Singlish is so muchnmore economical and effective? Compare and see!
When going shopping...
Britons : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock!
When returning a call...
Britons : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page?
When someone is in the way...
Britons : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
S'poreans: Lai, siam! or Siam, hor! or Skius!
When someone offers to pay...
Britons : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans: No-nid. (no need)
When asking for permission...
Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can or Not?
When asking to be excused...
Britons : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
S'poreans: Go toilet. Cannot tahan oreddy.
When entertaining...
Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans: Don't shy, leh!
When doubting someone...
Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans: Where got?
When declining an offer...
Britons : I'd prefer no to do that, if you don't mind.
S'poreans: Doe-waaaan.
When deciding on a plan of action...
Britons : What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out & all the restaurants are closed?
S'poreans: So how?
When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Britons : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S'poreans: Talk cock, lah you!
When asking someone to lower their voice...
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans: Eh, tiam, can or not?
When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S'poreans: See what?
When going shopping...
Britons : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock!
When returning a call...
Britons : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page?
When someone is in the way...
Britons : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
S'poreans: Lai, siam! or Siam, hor! or Skius!
When someone offers to pay...
Britons : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans: No-nid. (no need)
When asking for permission...
Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can or Not?
When asking to be excused...
Britons : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
S'poreans: Go toilet. Cannot tahan oreddy.
When entertaining...
Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans: Don't shy, leh!
When doubting someone...
Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans: Where got?
When declining an offer...
Britons : I'd prefer no to do that, if you don't mind.
S'poreans: Doe-waaaan.
When deciding on a plan of action...
Britons : What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out & all the restaurants are closed?
S'poreans: So how?
When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Britons : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S'poreans: Talk cock, lah you!
When asking someone to lower their voice...
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans: Eh, tiam, can or not?
When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S'poreans: See what?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
